Me and only me.

Got me singing.

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Xuan Bing, 18.
Minimal trust,
to everyone around.

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Removed due to inactivity! :D

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Saturday, April 04, 2009, 2:26 PM

feels

I have no idea how to even begin this post cause too many things are blocking up my mind. (Fyi, this isnt gonna be a happy post)
I realise that sometimes, 'talking' to a computer is a more effective and easier way to let out what one is thinking. Not family, friends nor God, it's a computer. Cause when ur not facing someone, it's much easier to take time and slowly 'speak' out what we want. Very slowly.. Let's see...

I know Im not a easy person to be with. Especially when Im not in a good mood. I tend to emo real bad and whenever u all show concern, all I gave was "Nothing.", when in actual fact, it's not true. Im a solitude person. I crave companies, but at the same time, desire for loneliness. I prefer to be alone at times while I long for companies at others. I hate it when I hear disappointment in the voice of my friends cause Im cancelling the meeting with them. I hate it when they have to 'force' me in order to get me out to meet them. (Doesnt really work) They're trying the best they can to keep the connection and bond between us but all I gave them was a No. I disappoint them when they ask me out. I was nvr there when they needed a shoulder to lead on. I wasnt even there when they were having fun. How fail can a friend get?
I tell myself to change but nvr did. I try to keep my esteem in check, but I always fail to do so. I tell myself not to let things get me down, but it always does. I tell myself to be happy, but I just cant.
Sometimes, feelings just gets to me at times and like always, I know it's useless. Cause the damage is done and there is no way to undo it. Sorry guys, I cant promise that I'll change when I know I cant keep it. I cant promise anyone anything even after realising so many things. Cause even I, cannot keep my thoughts, feelings and esteem in check. Who could?

Labels: Nothing is enough