Me and only me.

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Xuan Bing, 18.
Minimal trust,
to everyone around.

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Removed due to inactivity! :D

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Tuesday, December 30, 2008, 10:59 PM

facing the truth

Facing the truth.
No longer running.

i really hate blogging nowadays.
cuz it's really a burden and im thinkin of removing it
but if i really did, im worried i'll regret after dat
'sides, it's been wif me for over 4YEARS already
got 感情 de

tears, disappointments, happiness, happenings
how could i delete it?
too much memories already.
but i figured my lappy is not gonna hold on much longer
cuz it's REALLY laggy and slow
and i mean REALLY.
it's been working for 5years already
guess is time for it to rest already :D

extremely stressed out lately
why?
WoW.
wats dat?
too bad if u dont know
i nvr knew it can b so difficult
nvr met b4 a game which requires so much commitment(*there. I revealed wat it is.)
i hav nvr complain bout any games
and i'll say dis is the most challenging one.

RO, Broodwar, Dota-they're NTH compared to it.
Maple story-DONT get me started on it.(*Worse game ever, no offense)

i find it stressing but at the same time, i wanna conquer it
i wanna be GOOD in it. (:
but then again, these type of games, inevitable hav things i can NVR fully grasp. -.-
fustrating but at the same time, engaging.
suck at playing, but cant stop playing.
call it an addiction, but the weird thing is i can actually control myself from it.
so its' not an addiction??
hmmmm

U can stop here if u want to.
the bottom part is pretty personal. (:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The following may be un-readable to some. Uber lengthy, btw.]
u actually hav to read up on how to proceed through instances
though there is the guild to hlp u, it's UR responsibility to actually find out how to kill each individual bosses.
and u know wat's the most amazing thing?
each individual bosses hav their own personality and own ways to kill them,
not just mindlessly spamming attacks on them anymore.
furthermore, only when u reach the max lv would u be opened to more difficult instances.
and i'll tell u, these instances are no jokes(*esp when u'r not geared and the better gears are usually looted from the instances.)
im a healer and i felt really stressed out from trying to understand wat the guides are trying to say.
and very obviously, i dread everyday having to find ppl to run instances wif me cuz my healing bonus is uber low.
seriously, my esteem is ultra low lah.
dis i hav to admit.
cuz i feel very awkward playing wif ppl i dont know..
now i really regret not playin frostmane wif angie they all in the 1st place!
i admit i wanted some hlp from my brother who was already at the max lv at dat time(*refers to TBC)
and apparently, he nvr intended to hlp me.
only to teach me how to start off and all.
other then dat, i did the rest.
LOL
now, reaching lv 80(*for WotLK)
i rather be lving then running instances wif others cuz i cant run wif others!
i get so F! stressed up!!
i dont feel at all comfortable healing others cuz i think i suck at it.
i nvr asked my guild for hlp cuz i dont know any of them and is too scared to get to know them cuz they know my brother.
weird reason, but to me, it's the sinking feeling dat i wouldnt b able to communicate wif them dat totally freaks me out.
SHIT MAN!!!
3 wks at home and i become insociable.
now i dread meeting new ppl more than anything else.
ivory law, ur problem of not liking to meet ppl is NTH compared to mine.
at least u starts talking to them after some time.
ME?
it took me more than a few months to even start talking to weisheng they all.
needlessly to say i hav been in the guild for more than 2months and i dont even know ANY of them.
they're very nice ppl, i know(*from guild talk among themselves)
but i just cant seems to pluck up the courage to speak wif them.
im so useless.
low-esteem..
how did i survive for the 17 years?

dont say i changed, cuz i've always been lyk dis.
just dat nobody has noticed only.
im the master of conceal, buddy.
trying to understand is me is the same as trying to develop wings and fly.
unimaginable and impossible.
i wonder how i would become in the future..
better or worse??
i cant even say myself..

fyi, dis is NOT a emo post.
it's just dat, im revealing myself to myself for the 1st time.
and seriously, it feels GOOD.
now, the only thing i can do is improve myself. (:
hopefully for the better of course.
wish me luck ppl!

ADIOS.

Labels: Serenity